I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
