are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
