I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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