she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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