Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
