I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
