i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
