Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
