his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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