I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
