I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
