It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
