I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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