Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
