Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
