Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
