The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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