She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
