No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
