so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
