lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
