All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
