roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
