Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
