I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
