I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
