i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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