I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize