I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
