I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
