Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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