yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
