this beer tastes like vomit already
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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