another moral hangover. fuck.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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