So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
