What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
