just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
