How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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