This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
