Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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