i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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