I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We have so much sex to catch up on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
