PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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