My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
