I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
