I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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