Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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