Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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