i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
