matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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