Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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