woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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