dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
did you just send me my own nude
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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