I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
