Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
