And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
