3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
