i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
