Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
