I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
