Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
