i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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