dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
