Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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