I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
NoShamevember. You game?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
