one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize