my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
