billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
