after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dicks are not precious.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
