I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
