First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
