we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
