i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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