Life is so much better after having sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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