Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
