allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
