i just google imaged poop.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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