Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
